Sunday, 14 February 2010

Let's complain a bit

Since I am following the QI elves on Twitter I got some ideas planted into my head. They write things like: 'The Elves find this Quite Interesting' and on clicking I suddenly was catapulted into a surreal world of complaints which suited me just fine at this moment in time.

I have no idea why I was so grumpy that day. Nothing kept me interested nothing was fun, I was tired and ... as I said: Grumpy!

And then the odd thing happened that I got cheered up by other people complaining. The video the elves had suggested was of a complaint choir of Helsinki. And then I got hooked and found more and more. Here is my choice of complaints choirs from all over the world:

Well, I can't sing and I don't have connections to a choir, so I only can make a list of my complaints. Here are my 15 'Why oh Why?'s. Feel free to send me your lot and I will add to it (email:

Why is the phone ringing when I either:

  • just dosed off?
  • only have another 20 mins sleep left until the alarm sets off?
  • I just dived my hands into the fish tank, yeast dough or something greasy?
  • the cat just got all cudly and curled up on my tummy and I forgot to take the phone with me

Why do I get tempted by trousers for £10 to do a reality check on my bum in Sainsbury's fitting rooms when I'm down anyway?

Why do I always have to sneeze when the bladder is full?

Why do all electrical appliances beep

  • when a button is pressed,
  • sometimes when there is no button pressed
  • and usually when I either just dosed off, or only have another 20 mins sleep left until the alarm sets off?

Why is it that when I am coming home exhausted I usually have to pee, and I am thirsty and hungry like borderline fainting at the same time, so that I don't know what to do first?

Why is everything healthy causing huge amounts of gas?

Why are affordable trousers always 2 inch too much in the waist and two inch too short in length?

Why is it when coming home exhausted, hungry, thirsty and having to pee, I am usually laden with bags and the key will drop to the ground?

Why does food only spill on freshly washed shirts and tomato sauce only on bright ones?

Why does everything unhealthy taste good and everything healthy taste crap?

Why is it always raining on the mornings when the rubbish bins need wheeling to the front of the house?

Why does the sky turn black as soon as I have the washing on the line?

This is an interesting one and absolutely true. To give you a time line: Getting up at 6 or 7 am wonderful clear sky. Yay! Damned clothes not sorted yet, cat mewing, garden birds looking mad. Quickly feed the buggers, sort the wash, throw in the first load. By 9AM it's finished, by 9:30 it's on the line - still sunny, great! Throw in the next one. By 10AM the first little clouds, around 11 behind the house: grey wall of sky rolling in. Second load is finished and ready to be hanged - inside. By the time that's done, I have to dash because first drops are falling. At 12 the latest it is gushing down.

Only way of getting one load of fresh spring smelling textiles into the cupboards is to wash the night before, last thing before going to bed and hang it first thing in the morning, ignoring any need for a coffee injection or moaning pets. So I gave up and surrendered the garden to the birds entirely.

Why is the car key always in the pocket one is sitting on?

Why are high company shares always down to good leadership while low shares are always down to lack of performance of staff?

Why does a headache always crop up on a weekend or important day. The same is true for pimples and cold sores.

Why oh Why?


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