Am I too spoilt?

Usually I would have asked: ‘Are We too spoilt?’ but since I’m putting myself out there a bit more often, I get a snappy: ‘Speak for yourself!’ in proportionate frequency.

So I’m asking: Am I too spoilt? Although you are absolutely free to adopt this question for yourself.

Here is the thing: I feel like bouncing between two brick walls like a squash ball. I already have done some things, there are so many more things I want to do, and they all spin around this ‘We-feeling’. Foolishly I have chosen a field of activity that is about engaging other people, inspire them to dare stuff, and at the same time have a positive impact on the rest of the world.

Gosh, I know: That sounds pretentious…doesn’t it?

I started off with this weird idea – so far all my ideas deserve that label – that if enough of ‘Us’ would pull together, we firstly can get to places we never dreamed of, we secondly can do something good for the world and we even might be able to find some fiscal profit for ourselves as well. Through my rainbow tinted glasses it even looked as if the three would compliment each other.

How to get there?

Try to be an example, make yourself available, and don’t take yourself too seriously. I don’t mind mocking myself – so I like to believe. Clichés are dismantled the easiest when applied to oneself and mocked. Well, there goes the ‘We-feeling’ down the drain. It seems that there are less than I thought of ‘Us’ who share this point of view and hence asking me to speak for myself.

Which brings me to brick wall number one: In all my mocking I never, ever want to embarrass or offend. I’m sure I do, but I try hard not to and I never do so on purpose. On the other hand: To get a ‘Speak for yourself’ is the toughest rejection imaginable. It represents separation in any possible way… and I never find a good response. I always get it quickly dropped between strands of conversation so there is no going back to it. Some are grinning seemingly happy to see me told off, the others are grinning of embarrassment. So all that is left for me to do is to laugh it off – well knowing:

Girl, you are sooo out!

I find that very demoralising and after I get one of those SFYs I’m usually a bit useless for a while.

That brings me to brick wall number two: Am I too spoilt?

Today I came across an article about this multi million dollar business, good doing woman who had a childhood in poverty and teenage years in crime and made it out of it – apparently, otherwise there wouldn’t be millions.

I never had it bad in my life, have enough money to live comfortably – given that hubby won’t put my chair in front of the house door changing the lock, am reasonably healthy, don’t have anything to worry about, don’t even have kids, and tend to whine about SFYs and all the people out there who don’t instantly love me.

Does that mean that she, in having a strong incentive to become an achiever is not pretentious; while me - spoilt housewife, is?

How often do ‘We’ hear/speak/think contemptuously of others who have it easy to do the right thing - like rich ladies doing fundraising work? Probably I shouldn’t look up to the ones who made it the hard way, but the ones who are even more spoilt than I am. And who do the right thing anyway.

Let ‘s focus on the outcome! Doesn’t matter who does it, and for whom it is easier to achieve. It is important that it is getting done!

Could somebody please help me find these damn rainbow tinted glasses?